


Karma Sucks, Don't It?

by DxTURA



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DxTURA/pseuds/DxTURA
Summary: Payback is a funny thing!August Fiverr Commission
Kudos: 2
Collections: Urbinazation Works





	Karma Sucks, Don't It?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, thanks for reading!!!  
> This fic was requested by a buyer on Fiverr. Should they no longer want it up on AO3, they can request me to remove it at any time!  
> I hope you enjoy!

Dee knew for a fact that the plan she had and mind and was willing to pursue, regardless of if The Gang would help or not, could ultimately fail.

But did that stop her? Did she give a single shit? No, absolutely not.

If anything, she was particularly _ecstatic_ about the plan because she was under the impression that something this simple was generally hard to mess up.

What was the plan in question? Real simple: Resales.

She had plotted this entire scheme out at 2AM after guzzling down a couple of coffees. Was it desperate? Sure, but it wasn’t _hard_. All she had to do was take what little money she had, walk with The Gang to the local market with cheap and fresh pies, and then bring them back to Paddy’s Pub. They’d use the wrapping machine to make them all cute and adorable, but then sell them at a markup and advertise them to the general public.

It was brilliant – there was absolutely _no_ way that Dee could turn this plan into a disaster… at least that’s what everyone thought. Even when she brimmed with confidence, there was something in mind that confused everyone involved.

Dee was _lazy_.

This isn’t to say that she _didn’t_ initiate the plan and pull out all the logistics, but she never carried out its continuation. She made sure the wrapping machine was working, that everyone bought pies, but she didn’t come in with more of the sweet treats by the second. Every time she made sure the wrapping machine was working properly, she whined about it.

All the wrapping would be done in hours, so she found herself bored much quicker than normal. And as time began to pass, so did her want to slack off and do jack all for the remainder of the week.

Cue The Waitress: Dee’s typical alcoholic, awkward yet belligerent… friend? Could she even call her that? Whatever, she was in it to win it, too.

See, The Waitress (Dee could never remember her name) came into Paddy’s after hearing about Dee’s plan. She was _also_ under the impression that this would be an easy get-rich-quick scheme; not only that, but it was very possible that she could make more than enough to actually cover rent and “gourmet” food.

Gourmet food that wasn’t cheap booze and maruchan noodles, that is.

Still, because she thought Dee’s plan was so simple, she also assumed that the woman would be able to do some of her own work for once. She always pinned it on her or The Gang, and it was one of those moments where she believed to _at_ least get some relief in.

Nah. Instead, she found herself sticking labels on multiple boxes while Dee sat in a nearby chair and napped away.

Still, because she thought Dee’s plan was so simple, she also assumed that the woman would be able to do some of her own work for once. She always pinned it on her or The Gang, and it was one of those moments where she believed to _at_ least get some relief in.

Nah. Instead, she found herself sticking labels on multiple boxes while Dee sat in a nearby chair and napped away. Frustrating.

As The Waitress slapped and slid each box to the side, she couldn’t help but notice a rickety creaking from the sides. As soon as she finished her last load of pies, she looked up from her tiny “workstation” right when the wrapping machine’s whirring came to a complete stop and the janky plastic squeezed its way into one of the fruit-filled pies. Great.

She had no clue what might of caused it—nor did she want to _try_ to figure out.

So, like any sane person, she waltzed on over to where Dee snored and slapped her atop the head.

Dee snorted and jerked up from her seat. “Ow! What the _hell_?! What was that for?”

“Sorry to wake you up from your slumber, Sleeping Beauty, but the machine’s broken.” The Waitress rolled her eyes.

“What? What the fuck did you do to it? That thing is, like, hundreds of dollars!”

“I breathed. Now stop snapping at me and look into it!”

“Oh my god, it’s _probably_ just a jam—”

Dee took her sweet time waking up before she went over to the hunk of metal to check up on it. For all she knew, The Waitress probably jammed a pie into it or something. There was absolutely no way it should’ve malfunctioned that fast.

After she made sure that all plugs were pulled and all functions were canceled, Dee used the tiny key she had to unlatch the door on its side and walk inside it. It was a two-way and small, so if The Waitress _needed_ to assist her then she could easily do that by slamming the other side open.

Upon entry of the machine, it was exactly like she thought it would be: a paper jam. Nothing more, nothing less.

She _did_ have to admit, plastic wrapping paper crinkled a lot easier than, say, the texture of a cookie sheet so it only made sense that The Waitress would panic. If only she knew how to use technology for once.

It took a few tugs, so it didn’t take long to fix. There was just one teeny, tiny problem that came up while she was unraveling damned thing.

She got stuck. As lanky as Dee was, she. Was _stuck_. **In the machine**. Sticky wrapping paper ribbon coiled around her like a snake would when it caught something for dinner.

And if this situation couldn’t get any worse, Dee’s attempt to get comfortable caused her to break the door on the opposite side open. She was essentially a careless finger trap at this point.

After the commotion died down, The Waitress peered over and – upon noticing the look on Dee’s face – burst out laughing.

“Holy shit. How did you manage to do _that_?”

“I don’t know, but a little help would be _nice_!”

“You know, Dee, for someone who told me this plan would ‘rake in dough’ - you really didn’t look it over more than once, did you?”

“I _did_! I just thought the machine was already prepped for this morning.”

“Uh-huh.” The Waitress placed a pie behind her back and kneeled against to the ground. “I dunno, you look better this way, hun; maybe consider this your karma for getting me to do all the dirty work?”

“ _Karma_? I did work!”

“You literally just placed two labels on two different pies and called it a day.”

“Yeah, well, I planned this whole operation.”

“And you slept through like five hours of it.” She smushed the apple (or was it peach?) flavored confection against her face – eliciting a scream from the ‘mastermind.’ “Honestly? You deserve so much worse for making me come in _eight hours prior to opening_ , Dee, so you’re lucky _this_ is the worst possible punishment you could get.”

The moment Dee noticed The Waitress walking away, she couldn’t help but wiggle and shriek.

“Are you _leaving_?!”

“Uh, yeah? I had _plans_ before I came into work today,” She snickered as she grabbed her keys off a nearby table, “You’re stuck there until the rest of your little friends see you like this. Have fun with your little ‘pie party’ after they get you out of here.”

The Waitress cackled away as she opened the door to the Pub and slammed it on her way out.

Great, _now_ what was Dee supposed to do? She was in here by herself, she had _no_ idea how to get herself out of this mess, and now she had to do a bunch of repairs _and_ clean herself up in a couple of hours?

An exasperated sigh left her as she slid her face against the floor. Well, if she wasn’t fired by the time her boss came in, she was _definitely_ going to be the laughingstock for the rest of the month.


End file.
